Helping family...

I have spent about a week to week and half of my time here in Oregon helping my grandmother. During this time I cleaned, organized, tried to help sort some things out, and hopefully encourage through love and support. In the process of this time, and the entire month that I have been away, my prayer for this month has been that the Lord would move me towards something. It has been that as I follow Him, not only would my pictures bring glory to Him, but that He would clear some things up in my mind that seemed to be dim. I did not know what these things were specifically, but I could feel them there. Somewhere in my internal, moving and speaking. I think that those things are beginning to be answered.

Through talking with my grandmother, or Granny Grump as I effectionately call her, I have started to see something in life that I so simply missed. Love. In a way that has never been defined in me before. You see, my grandfather died suddenly right before his 70^th birthday and although it has been 3 years, we still talk about him as if it were yesterday. His fingerprints are all over this place, this family, and our minds. We can spend our entire lives living, talking, and working with someone… and then one day they are gone. And what are we left with?… memories and emotions. A mere shadow of the things that once were. No more touch, no more voice, and no more presence… And is it not these things that we miss the most when someone is gone, but totally take for granted while they are on this earth? The old phrase absence makes the heart grow fonder points to this very truth, because while we are away those are the very things that we long to have again with our family members. Not only to see them, but to touch them and to feel their spirit… and when we get back to them our thankfulness for them is rejuvenated for a time. I feel sorry for those people who are dead to this, or have never felt what I am talking about.

We all seem to fall into this trap though, not everyone but many. We spend so much time with a person, that for some reason we get used to them and they lose value. And although they never lose value in our mind, because we would lay our lives down for them in a heart beat, we seem to lose value in them emotionally. It is as if we show joy for everyone else but the ones that we live with. And then, without us realizing it, that connection is gone. Unlike a child who eagerly waits for his dad to come home, day after day, we merely greet them with an unemotional hello. We ask them how their day was, and although we are interested somewhere deep within, we emotionally do not care. It is like a car that we have had for years. We still take care of it, we still value it, but we are not excited about driving it like we were the first month that we had it. We get used to it.

Even in the movies we see actors showing this affection for each other. After watching this heart moving movie, our hearts are rekindled for a night, or maybe a day or two, and then we wake up and go back to the same emotional death among our family-members… and don’t really know why.

I have at times fallen into this same trap. A mindset passed down to me by my forefathers… For this I am sorry Kristi. I do not have a desire to be unemotionally interested in you. I do not want to share my spirit with everyone around me… and you get the rest of what is left. I do not want my time and energy to be poured out to everyone else around me… only to come home tired and uninterested. I know that we cannot really be close living that way, and I will try my hardest to not do that. I want to greet you with interest everyday, and show you that I value you. I want to show you that I want to be a part of your life…

To all those reading this… if it has touched you or moved you… open your eyes. Look at the people closest to you and love them. Realize that one day all you may be left with is memories and emotions. That’s it. No more touch, no more voice, and no more presence. Make everyday with the ones you love like it is going to be your last day on this earth.

Love… with many other definitions… to be emotionally interested.

Car sleeping and thanks...

The final day I was pretty burnt out, so I drove around alittle bit, but mainly just headed back to manchester. I watched a movie to pass the time..... and slept a couple of hours in the car. THen at 6:00 in the morning I headed off to Oregon. I just wanted to take this blog to thank the Lord...You don't have to read this... it is mainly my personal talk with Him....

Thank you Lord for giving me this opportunity and providing me with the funds to carry this project out. Thank you also for keeping me safe and protecting my equipment and vehicle. I know that anything could have happened to me, even falling out of a Gondala :), but you had your hand of protection over me. Thank you. I praise you for giving me a heart to follow the desires that you put inside me, and I just give you all the glory. I know that I would not have any beautiful shots if you didn't guide my eyes. And I know that you are the one who brings my creativity to me... so I just thank you for that. Please continue to guide my eyes and mind. I hope and pray that the images that I take for the rest of this time will bring total glory to you, and that people will see the beauty that you cause me to see. Thank you for who you are and who you have made me to be.

Gondala of Death

So I woke up the next morning, and froze my rear-end off! I was fine in my bivy, but soon as I got out... MAN! It was cold! I had to rub myself constantly just so that some of the friction would provide some ounce of warmth. I got going and headed to a spot that was recommended to my by a local. It was pretty cool. No one was there. It was a waterfall called silver cascade. Here is a pic of it.From there I really didn't know what to do, so I went to an Appalachian Mountain Club Lodge. It was fancy. :) And I asked them where to go to get away from people and see some animals. I tried to go where they told me to go with no success. I kept driving by these border signs for the Wildlife Preserve, but I could not find a parking lot or a trailhead. I was looking for an hour! I knew that I was on the edge of the preserve, that is why I did not give up earlier. It was a little frustrating to say the least. I gave up and headed back to the main part of the mountains.

It was midday and I knew that the pictures where not going to really turn out. The lighting was too harsh and shadows too strong. So I decided to pass the time and ride a Gondala to the top of Wildcat Mountain. It was a lot of fun! The only problem? I almost fell to my death. [True story] I was so excited about the chance to take pictures from a gondala that I didnt see all of the signs inside the lower part it that said, "Caution- Do not lean on the doors. They will open." Guess what I did?... That's right... I leaned on the doors.....AND ALMOST DIED! Luckily I had my camera strap wrapped around my wrist.
In that moment my life flashed before my eyes and I thought of another headline.... Texas man dies today after falling out of a gondala... and rolling all the way down the mountain! Eye witnesses say that despite his arduous journey down, he still had his camera in his hands. (Actually, I didn't think aobut that when I almost fell out, I just thought that would be funny to say.) ;) I really didn't think about anything. I just tried to not die.... :)On my way down, I rode with this cool couple from Wales. We joked and laughed, and talked about stuff. I gave them a card, and when we got down the coolest thing happened! The lady asked me if she could take my picture! That way when I was famous she could say she met me! How cool! I asked her if I could take a picture of her taking a picture of me taking a picture of her... if you got that... and that is just what we did. There is a corresponding picture of me somewhere out there.... :)
After that, I headed south to a KOA, knowing it was going to be my last KOA in a while. It was in Woodstock, NH. which I thought was cool. Now I can say I went to Woodstock when I was 24. ;) Not like anyone would believe me.... maybe when I am older and the kids dont know anything about history. I stayed the night there, and just slept. By this time I was getting pretty worn out.

Commercialization in the wilderness

I woke up the next morning and enjoyed the complimentary breakfast in the walmart parking lot which was.... Nothing! (ha ha ha.... I crack myself up)... anyways. It was pretty earlier, and that night while I was driving around I saw some really cool stuff... so I went down and checked it out. I think that I got some pretty cool pics. It was good, super cold, nice and foggy, and unique. Here is one of those pictures...From there I went north again and took a scenic route. It was cool. I got some cool beaver dam pictures that I am going to have to experiment on. AND! I waded through water for the first time in my gortex-lined boots! They rock! A while back I was going to settle for non-gortex lined, but I am so glad that I didn't. It has been great!Finally making my way down to the White Mountain National Forrest in New Hampshire, I went right on in not expecting what I saw... Commercialization! I thought that it was going to be like most of the other national forrests that I have been to.... lots of wilderness... low cost... free camping... etc... Nope. There were like three or four theme parks there. It was really pretty, and there was lots of forrest... but it was like $20 a night to camp there. And there was no free camping what-so-ever! It was very discouraging. I guess I am more of a purist when it comes to things like that. I dont really like going to the wilderness to be around the city. It doesnt seem right, and for me it makes me really stressed out. I like having to deal with lines, traffic, money, and the works. I got some cool pics... went to a KOA that night..... and went to bed and slept beautifully in my bivy... even though it was 24 degrees out. :)

moose... please dont stomp me

[This is a rewrite, the first one crashed on me] With my migraine still lingering on my mind, from a unseccessful battle the night before, I woke myself up at the buttcrack of dawn and headed out. I decided that instead of leaving immediately, I would go shoot some pics at a spot that I skoped out the night before. It was pretty cool. It had a really ghostly feel to it, and I was able to slip and slide all over some seaweed on the rocks.
After that, I left. I had had enough of Acadia. I decided to be crazy and drive way up north just for the day, and go to Baxter State Park. I debated the entire time I was heading up as to whether or not I should do it.... and man was it worth it! I got to see some Moose!!!

The moose came extremely close to me. It was like 2ft away from me! It and its calf! It was so close that I was actually scared to make any sudden movements becuase I might scare it, and then it would stomp me out of a natural instict to protect its baby. Ahhh.... I can see it now.... Photographer from Texas critically stomped by a moose in northern Maine. Eye witnesses say it was because he sneezed and startled it, which cause it to make a call, rearup, and stomp on him several times.

After some very fun shots of the moose, I headed back down through Bangor, and on into Newport. Not wanted to pay for another night of motel/camping fees... I did what any car sleeping person would do in a time like that..... I found the closest Walmart parking lot. It was nice. They turned the street lights off for me.... I had my own secluded parking spot away from everything... And I didnt even have a lights out time or quiet hours! I definately got more than what I paid for.
So settling into my car, I called my wonderful wife, ate some chilli, and went to bed. I froze though, because instead of using my sleeping bag as a blanket... I used my jacket. I dont really know what I was thinking. I guess I wasnt, but I managed to get enough sleep to last me the whole next day. Oh, and if you are reading my blogs..... please leave a comment and let me know what you think. Or ask any questions you would like.

Acadia

So I woke up the next morning, off to a later start again. I ended up going to Acadia at about 9am, which is 8 Texas time so I guess it is still early. I spent the entire day there.... driving all over.... and taking pictures all day long. Now when I am taking pictures I get into this zone. I look mad on my face and the entire world around me dissapears except for what is through that lense. This can be tiring after a while. Being in the zone all day long... I didn't realize that I hadn't eaten all day long. Or that not one time that day did I stop and relax my brain. Even when I was trying to relax... I was still thinking about pictures! So my plan was to leave Acadia that night and drive up to northern Maine and just sleep at a truck stop or something. Instead... I GOT A MIGRAINE! What in the world? I haven't gotten a migraine in forever?! So, not wanting to have it get to bad while I was on the road... and knowing that it hurts worse to have your head elevated... I decided to stay another night at the motel. I ended up having to go to another one that had the same owner... but I got to one. I watched Lost, had some beans and rice... and hit the sack.

Losbster....mmmmmh!

So after a long start in the morning I decided to head out up the coast. I took highway 1 almost all the way up. If you are ever traveling in Maine, and you have a LOT of time on your hands take this highway. I is pretty, but slow. I drove allthe way up to Freeport. I have always wanted to go to the L.L. Bean store in Freeport, so that is what I did. I thought it was just going to be one big store... IT WAS 4! It was a campus! I was so amazed! And to beat it all...... there were NO SALES! What is up with that?!?! I drive all the way up there to go to this store I have always dreamed of going to, and there are no good deals?!?! Oh well, this trip is expensive enough.

Then, from there, after getting through all the people... becuase it was shoppers central... I kept heading northeast. I stopped in this cool town called Bucksport, where I saw this cool graveyard, and also got some neat pictures of some crab traps. Then, because the sun was starting to set, and I didn't know how far Acadia was I went to talk to the locals. I stopped in at Rosens Footwear and Apparel and talked to these two wonderful ladies. They gave me the skinny on where to get some good lobstah, and how far away I was... and some other conversation that I can't really remember. Being encouraged once again, I kept going, and made it to this cute family -owned motel called Ilseview something er-other, and decided that because it was cheaper than the KOA, and I wouldnt have to sleep outside, I would stay there... and it was glorious. A hot shower and a bed was really nice for my jet-lagged body.

Before I went to bed I decided to go fufill a second dream that I have always had, which is to eat crabs or lobster and drink beer while in maine. Although expensive... it was worth it! It was glorious. And as I sat there by myself, with juices dripping off of my fingers, I couldn't help but think about what I must look like. That thing was so expensive that I wasn't going to waste a bit, so I used my fingers instead of silverware. I got ever piece of meat that I was able to get, and was very proud of myself. It was a good night!

Saco... that is a cool name

That's right. That bright blue suitcase that you see, with white sea turtles and yellow flowers on it, is mine. I love it! Thanks Dad! It was so easy to spot. I was able to make sure it was being loaded almost everytime I was getting on the plane. Of course, everyone was looking at me funny. I even had people laughing at me!
[True Story] I was going to pick up my bag off of the (twirly round thing), and the people next to me said... "Uggh! Whose is that? That is uuuggglly!" Not wanting to say anything, I just pick it up, and as I walked away I heard the people snickering. I was too, because I thought the same thing. :)
I don't care though... it a safety thing. And, I think it looks cool. It helps me to feel... words cannot really describe how I feel. ;)

So after a long day of standing in lines, flying, sitting, popping my ears... and eavesdropping on other peoples conversations... I was in Maine (PAPAW YOU ROCK!). I rented a car, took off on my journey to find the perfect leaf picture. Now, I have never been to New Hampshire, or Maine, and I took off on the beginning of this journey in the dark. Praise be to God, it was pretty easy. I had no problems, other than feeling like I had missed my turn a couple of times. I stayed the night at the Saco KOA, and slept the night away under the stars in my bivy.


I woke up the next morning to find... beauty! Tall trees, cold breath, and the smell of the woods! Man it is beautiful here. People are a little hard to understand here, but I am used to it. We will see how the day goes. I hope to go to L.L. Bean today... and possibly tonight... Beer and Crabs in a restraunt on the bay! And, I am starting to see a faint glimpse of the very thing I am chasing after... foliage!